Shrooms

Mr. Samberg, thanks for coming to your performance review.
No problem.
So, you're in charge around here. Is that fair to say?
Absolutely. I'm the boss.
Okay. So, take us through a day in the life of "the boss."
Well, the first thing I do is

Talk to corporate (Like a boss)
Approve memos (Like a boss)
Lead a workshop (Like a boss)
Remember birthdays (Like a boss)
Direct work flow (Like a boss)
My own bathroom (Like a boss)
Micromanage (Like a boss)
Promote synergy (Like a boss)

Hit on Deborah (Like a boss)
Get rejected (Like a boss)
Swallow sadness (Like a boss)
Send some faxes (Like a boss)
Call a sex line (Like a boss)
Cry deeply (Like a boss)
Demand a refund (Like a boss)
Eat a bagel (Like a boss)

Harassment lawsuit (Like a boss)
No promotion (Like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (Like a boss)
Shit on Deborah's desk (Like a boss)
Buy a gun (Like a boss)
In my mouth (Like a boss)

Oh, fuck, man. I can't fucking do it. Shit...

Pussy out (Like a boss)
Puke on Deborah's desk (Like a boss)
Jump out the window (Like a boss)
Suck a dude's dick (Like a boss)
Score some coke (Like a boss)
Crash my car (Like a boss)
Suck my own dick (Like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (Like a boss)

Chop my balls off (Like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (Like a boss)
Meet a giant fish (Like a boss)
Fuck his brains out (Like a boss)
Turn into a jet (Like a boss)
Bomb the Russians (Like a boss)
Crash into the sun (Like a boss)
Now I'm dead (Like a boss)

Uh-huh. So, that's an average day for you then?
No doubt.
You chop your balls off and die?
Hell yeah.
And I think at, uh, one point there
You said something about sucking your own dick?
Nope.
Actually, I'm pretty sure you did.
Nah, that ain't me.
Oh-kay. Well, this has been eye-opening for me.
I'm the boss.
Yeah. No, I got that. You said it about four-hundred times.
I'm the boss.
Yeah. Yeah, I got it.
I'm the boss.
No, I heard you. See you later.

(Like a boss)