Just Another Day in May

Bought a candy bar the other day
Only ate half, s'gonna throw the rest away
When I saw this kid playin' in the street
I said, "Hey kid, you want somethin' to eat?"
He said, "Whut?", I said "Candy, son", he said, "Help"
Then he started to run and I stood there
Watchin' him go, half a bar of chocolate
Runnin' down my fingersWell, the kid comes back in a minute or two
But his mom's with him and the neighbors too
And they got the kid scared it's plain to see
They say, "Which one done it?" he points at me
He says "Him", I say, "What do you mean?"
He says "You!" then he starts to scream
And I'm standin', everybody's lookin'
Everybody's starin' at meHowdy doody, y'all waitin' for the bus?
Ah, a little late isn't it, anybody got a watch?
We could uh see how late it is
I got a better idea, let's find somebody with a watch
And stare at himWell some start pickin' up baseball bats
And the others are pullin' the pins from their hats
"I think this thing's gone a little too far
Hell, I only offered him a candy bar", I said, "Wait"
I said, "What are you doin'?"
They said, "Prevert the kid's life is ruined"
"Oh oh well, then you better check what he's chewin'
'Cause I got the feelin' he's in the middle of a bubble gum orgy"Well, they're comin' at me and I'm backin' away
And then I hear this policeman say
"Are you positive he's the right man?"
I quick flicked the candy bar out of my hand
He says, "Show me", I says, "Show ya what?"
He says the candy bar you degenarut and he grabs me
He grabs both my hands, pretty easy to see
Which hands got the chocolateWell, I've had some troubled times before
But none like the trip from the candy store
Sympathize with the kid all right
Somebodys nice to ya, probably aint right
I'll grow up, I'll learn the way
I'll learn so that my later days'll be prosperous
Chocolate covered
If I don't bite off more than I can hide