La Vie Boheme

THE WAITER
No, please no
Not tonight, please no
MIster, can't you go?
Not tonight, can't have a sceneROGER
What!?THE WAITER
Go, please go you- hello sir!-
I said no, important customerMARK
What am I, just a blur?THE WAITER
You sit all night, you never buyMARK
That's a lie, that's a lie!
I had a tea the other dayTHE WAITER
You couldn't pay!MARK
Oh yeah...COLLINS
Benjamin Coffin the Third? Here?THE WAITER
Oh no...ALL
Wine and beer!MAUREEN
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stayTHE WAITER
Oy vey!COLLINS
What brings a mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?BENNY
I would like to propose a toast
To Maureen's noble try
It went well-MAUREEN
Go to hell!BENNY
Was the yuppie scum stomped?
Not counting the homeless,
How many tickets weren't comped?ROGER
Why did Muffy-BENNY
Alison!ROGER
-miss the show?BENNY
There was a death in the family, if you must knowANGEL
Who died?BENNY
Our Akita-ANGEL, ROGER
Evita!BENNY
Mimi, I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
Who don't adhere to deals
They make fun- yet I am the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia
Is a fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta;
Bohemia is deadMARK
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyesCOLLINS & ROGER
Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v'yitkadashMARK
Here she lies, no one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we
Celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -
La vie BohèmeALL
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie Bohème
La vie BohèmeMARK
To days of inspiration
Playing hookey, making
Something out of nothing
The need to express-
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane, going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three-piece suits
To fruits - to no absolutes-
To Absolut - to choice-
To the Village Voice-
To any passing fad
To being an us for once ... instead of a them!ALL
La vie Bohème!
La vie BohèmeMR. GREY
AhhemmMAUREEN
Hey Mister - she's my sisterWAITER
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless ballsROGER
EwwCOLLINS
It tastes the sameMIMI
If you close your eyesWAITER
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?ALL
Wine and beer!MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers
Made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya AngelouMAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacationMARK
Mucho masturbationMAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's newCOLLINS
To SontagANGEL
To SondheimFOUR GIRLS
To anything tabooCOLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,COLLINS
Lenny BruceROGER
Langston HughesMAUREEN
To the stageBOHEMIANS
To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too.MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie EmALL
La vie Bohème!MAUREEN
And wipe the speakers off before you packJOANNE
Yes, MaureenMAUREEN
Well, hurry back!MR. GREY
Sisters?MAUREEN & JOANNE
We're closeANGELS & COLLINS
Brothers!MARK, ANGEL & MIMI
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee-wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina BuranaALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To no shame - never playing the Fame GameCOLLINS
To marijuana!ALL
To sodomy, it's between God and me
To S&M!BENNY
Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter ....... Waiter!ALL
La vie Bohème!COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon
will commence immediately following dinner
Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble rap,
Will perform her famous "lawn chair handcuff dance"
To the sounds of iced tea being stirredROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary
about his inability to hold an erection
on the high holy days.MARK
And Maureen Johnson,
back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder,
while accompanying herself on the electric
cello - which she has never studied.BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.MIMI
There's nothing to knowBENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss...MIMI
It was three months ago.BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you.MIMI
We're taking it slow.BENNY
Where is he now?MIMI
He's right... Hmm, where'd he go?MARK
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(Roger plays a solo)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz!"COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions
from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist -
including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:ALL
"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"BENNY
Check!MIMI
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?
I get invited - then ignored all night longROGER
I've been trying - I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggageMIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mineROGER
I should tell youMIMI
I got baggage tooROGER
I should tell youROGER & MIMI
BaggageALL
Wine and beer!MIMI
AZT breakROGER
You?MIMI
Me. You?ROGER
Mimi